Friday, March 19, 2010

Only 2 more days...

I decided one day last week that Ladybug needed to be on a schedule. Of course, I was also thinking about the fact that I have to go back to work on the 21st and that I needed to be back on a schedule myself! I definitely wanted to optimize my time spent with her both in the mornings before work and in the evenings after work. The trial run was this week because every day last week something came up that caused us to either miss bedtime or naptime. This week hasn't gone so well either now that I think about it. In the back of my mind, I really didn't have to get up on time so I didn't. Ha! Schedule Schmedule!!

She's been so cranky today and I thought it was because of that last upper tooth trying to break through. Or perhaps somehow she knows I'm going back to work in 2 days. /sniffle I know that it's definitely affected my mood. I am not sure that I am going to be able to leave her.

I do think it might be easier to go back to work if I felt more confident that she knew I was her mother. It took us so long to get her to smile and's taking us even longer to get her to hug and be held. I received a book as a gift called Parenting Your Internationally Adopted Child and it talks about every topic from your first hours through the teen years. One of the early chapters talked about "indiscriminate friendliness." I originally liked how Ladybug would go to others freely, but the book actually shows how that is a sign that she will turn to anyone for care because she had been neglected. An attached child would look to the parent first to see if going to another person is okay. After reading that I had to put the book down for a few days. I felt like it was causing me to worry and stress about every little thing. I did pick the book back up to read the suggestions on how to cope with these issues and I feel they have helped us make a few steps forward but we still have a long way to go.

I just hope we don't regress back three steps with me going back to work.

I do have the worries...and the tears.

1 comment:

Marie-Claude said...

Oh my I pray for you,

I have been a reading your blog for a little bit, and I do feel for you. You just came back and you have to go back to work. Yes your child needs to understand that you and your husband are the primary caregivers. That other people are there to smile but for the first 6 months, feeding, changing, and holding has been done only by us two (sometimes her sister). Slowly introduced other members of the family with bottles after that but she kept looking at us while taking her bottle. I know its hard, but yes if she keeps going in the arms of others its because her attachment with you is not settled yet (it take time) be patient. I was one of the lucky ones. Here in Canada we have 1 year maternity (and adoption) off from work (paid :). So we took the time needed to be with our precious gem. After a year, I left my work, I simply couldn't not leave her, she had still issues of being seperated from me and was very insecure (wich was a good thing the attachement was working). Now, she is five in kindergarten and I work at her school library! Please keep faith, you are not the first in the US that adopted and had to go back to work pretty fast after coming back from China. Things will go well, they just might take a little bit longer.

Marie-Claude from Montreal